It's so unfortunate that word has become so commonplace in our society. Unfortunately for me, I am part of that statistic. But, I would like to say I got a divorce for the "right" reasons. I tried to fix the marriage, but it was broken, and I couldn't try any longer. I didn't use it as a cop out, I used it to get myself back and get rid of a very toxic person (and by "get rid of", I don't mean I sent people out to "take care of him"...but, I won't lie, I considered it!). I wasn't about to lose myself and jeopardize my life for another person.
July 23, 2004: That date will always stand out. Aside from the fact it's my dad's birthday,that's the day we called it quits. We had another yelling match about something I did (always an issue...it was NEVER his fault), and when I got home, we had the "talk." I immediately felt dizzy and nauseated. Could this be happening? I can change, really I can. I went completely numb, drew a bath, and called my parents. Then I called my brother. They said I needed to GET OUT of there. If only it were that easy. I had to have foot surgery and I needed his medical coverage. Imagine living with your soon to be "ex" husband like a roommate for over month. That was sheer torture.
August 19, 2004: My birthday. I spent it alone, with my foot in a cast, in bed with my cat. Crying. Of course, he had the nerve to tell me I looked great and my butt looked awesome in my jeans. By this time, I had lost about 10 pounds from lack of appetite, and I didn't have much weight to spare at the time. Divorce was the best diet ever though!
August 31, 2004: One of the hardest days in my life. This was the day my dad was flying in to drive me across the country, from Florida to Arizona. My entire life was packed up in a Penske truck. Before I left, I asked him if he ever loved me for me, or who he thought he could turn me into. He said he wasn't sure. OUCH. Ouch. With tears in my eyes, I hugged him and said goodbye, and knew it would be the last time I would ever see him.
August 31-Sept. 4, 2004: The journey to my new life and road to recovery began. It was an interesting experience being stuck in a truck cab with my father. Crap! No where to run! It was awesome when he fed my cat Tango beef jerky and she threw up on my lap. And even more awesome when Tango took a huge crap in her litterbox while we were in the middle of nowhere. Phew! It was quite the bonding experience though. We cried a lot.
Sept. 4, 2004: I pulled up in front of my brother's house in Scottsdale, AZ, tired, defeated, and emotional. I will never forget the hug he gave me. I just wanted to fold up into a little ball and have him hold me.
I stayed with him and his wife for a few days before getting settled into Apt. 265 in my new digs. My first place alone! Very intimidating. On the first night in the apartment, the power went off. Great! I started to cry. How did I get to this point? I was still in daily contact with my EX, and that probably wasn't the best thing to do. I couldn't move on; he was all I knew for 4 years.
Sept. 8, 2004: The arrival of the divorce finalization. I was flabbergasted and shocked. The divorce was complete. Done. Irreconcilable differences. At least I had my last name back. And you know, what a nice guy! He gave me alimony and paid off my car. What a hero!! How about you give me back the 4 years I wasted on you, you incredible bastard!! Needless to say, I had a few drinks that night.
My EX. Oh, my EX. How to describe him. A selfish, jealous, controlling, mentally abusive, impossible to please, mean, miserable excuse for a human being. Oh, and here's a fun fact: he was remarried within 8 months of our divorce. Hmmm....curious, huh? I dare not speak his name. I call him Satan. He had a baby, too. That stung a little, I'm not going to lie. And now, he's expecting another one. How do I know?? I'm excellent at Face-stalking on Facebook. ;) I hope his little demon seeds are ok. Alright, that's mean. They had no choice in the matter.
In retrospect, my divorce was the hardest thing I've ever been through, but also probably the best learning experience I've had. What did I learn? I've learned I am my own person, and no one can change me, or should for that matter. I'm independent and feisty. It was my feisty-ness, stubbornness, and the "spark" I have and will always have that couldn't be changed; he didn't like that. I will not compromise myself ever again. I'm worth more than any wedding ring. It has also shed light on the men I date (wait, date? I'm a single mom. What's that again?), and allows me to notice red flags when they pop up. I know I'm a handful, but I'm not sorry for that. It also made me put up some walls and barriers, and I'm learning how to let those down. I must protect my heart, but I can't keep everyone away.
I have been divorced for coming on 7 years in September. Amazing! I will just call it my "starter" marriage. Trial and error. Haha.
And, a joyous shout-out to the family and friends that helped me get through this very dark period in my life. I wouldn't have made it without you. I love and cherish you. Now, which one of you will "take care" of my EX? Just kidding. Kind of.
"Sometimes divorce is better than marriage." ~ Sumner Redstone
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