If I was a Millionaire

Ah, money. One of the best things and worst things. It causes joy, it causes anger, it causes happiness, and it causes people to do dumb things. I say it "causes" versus "creates" because in my opinion, money isn't created in a person's life. It's more of a cause and effect situation. If that makes sense. Some people are born into money, some work their asses off to earn it, and some just win it. Unfortunately, most of America works their collective asses off to support the higher classes, and also the lower classes. I'm it -- I'm middle America! Blue collar, paying my taxes, and trying to survive. More often than not, from paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes I get unexpected money in the mail (love that! so much better than bills!) or win the occasional lotto scratcher. I have bought lottery tickets for the Powerball of $500 Million. $500 MILLION!!! That's more than I can even fathom. I would do so much with that money. Hell, I'd be happy with just A million dollars. We do a company pool to buy multiple tickets. I believe the last Powerball landed us with about $16. So, we reinvested the money in more tickets and lost. Then some old biddy in some Podunk town won it. Figures. What are you going to do with the money!? You're one foot in the grave. Maybe you'll invest in a diamond encrusted cane and a Benz wheelchair with gold plated rims? Styin' Granny!


Why can't someone like me win? I do my civil duty, I pay taxes as mentioned, I work and make a paycheck, and I struggle to make ends meet. I'm a single mom. My house needs some work. I have medical bills and loans to pay off. If I get a little ahead, something always pulls me back. It gets tiring and frustrating. So the literal million dollar question is: what would I do with a million dollars? Or even more than a million. After you see the sign for $500 million, $1 million seems like pocket change. But, money is money!


First things first, I think I would take the lump sum because, well, I'm not patient and I'd like to spend my money while I can enjoy it.

1. Pay my house, bills, loans, etc. OFF. I would LOVE to send a payment in full to them and write "I owe you nothing now! Eff off and have a nice day!" on the check memo. That would feel fantastic.
2. Home repair/remodel. I would love to get some things updated/fixed in my home. I would love tile flooring so my little asshole of a cat would stop pissing on my already dirty carpet. Tear it up! New A/C unit...ah...that's not a want, it's a need. Or maybe sell it and move to a bigger house, but nothing insane. I don't need 8 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, a heated infinity pool and a kitchen as big as my house currently. Ooh, that does sound nice though, doesn't it?
3. Pay my car off and buy another one. Nothing outlandish, but something awesome for my needs.
4. Help the family out. $50K each? I don't know, I'd have to work on the numbers. LOL
5. Invest. If I can't see it, I can't spend it. And I can save for my retirement and my daughter's college.
6. Travel! It's certainly not cheap. Maybe a nice spa trip to Hawaii, a journey down under, to the Motherland of Ireland....
7. Get someone else to clean my house. This is very important. Especially the bathtubs...I DESPISE cleaning them. And maybe someone to do my hair and make-up, and a personal trainer (preferably a hot, young male that has an accent).
8. Donate. I have my top charities: cancer research, animal rescue, emergency relief, food/education/medicine to other countries as well as ours.
9. I think a little wardrobe refresh would be in order. Not that I mind my off brands now, but it wouldn't hurt a girl to have some designer named things. Hello, Gucci and Louis Vuitton!
10. Spend more time with my kid and volunteer more time with others that need help.

I know most of those probably sound cliché. But, I can't really think of better ways to spend it. But if I had $500 million, I think I'd need a heart transplant because mine would probably explode. If I had THAT much, I could help so many more unfortunate and give a helping hand to family and friends that could use it. Everyone gets a Lexus! Haha.

Missing My Nana

I know it's been a while since I've written. I need to keep up! My Nana recently passed away (May 29, 1921- Oct. 21, 2012) at the age of 91. I guess we were sort of expecting it, but she held on until she talked to everyone she loved in her life. That was Nana. Get everything done -- take care of business! It's not surprising she stayed until she felt she could go. She died peacefully in her sleep. No one can ask to leave this world in a better way. She felt fulfilled. And why not? She had an amazing life! Born in 1921...can you imagine all of the world events, inventions, and social changes during almost a 100 years?! The Great Depression, automobiles, World Wars, sexism, racism, etc. I'm amazed at what she went through. She had so many stories about her life. She was the very image of a woman in those times. But Nana (Maxine) would never stop. She was a fighter, a lover, an intellectual, a frugal, and an amazing person. I really miss her. I've heard stories of Nana from her past. She ran a babysitting business, was a bit of a prankster, loved a good deal, had a steady hand, was a bit of a stickler, loved her family, and ran the house smoothly. She traveled, she loved, she ... prank called people! She saved young children on a ski trip. She's always been a nurturer, yet also a realist. She knew how life was, and if you didn't, she'd let you know. She was a fighter. Her husband died and she was left to raise 3 young children on her own. Needless to say, she had a full plate and had to deal with life. She knew she had to be a fighter and deal with life. She never hid from it. She just did. She was a very determined person. I have such wonderful memories of her. I remember her home in Lake Oswego where my brother and I would visit every summer. I remember the smell of that house. The garden. Her sewing room. The office. Everything. I remember picking strawberries with her, and her laughing so hard when I screamed when I uncovered a huge, ugly slug. I remember our sewing lessons. She never gave up on me, though I did! I remember her watching her soap operas and knitting. I remember how she always used Rose Milk lotion. I can't smell roses without thinking of her. She loved her garden. I called my Nana at least once a week. I looked forward to our calls, as did she. We would chat about the weather, school, jobs, my child, family, etc. We laughed about silly things. I enjoyed our talks. I remember the last call I had with her. She couldn't speak, so my Aunt held the phone to her ear while I spoke. I told her how much I loved her and asked if she knew how much I loved her. I heard a grunt. I told her about Lilli and said a few things about my life. I cracked a joke (though I can't remember what it was at the moment), but I made her smile. I MADE HER SMILE. I got to say goodbye to her. She passed the next night. I got the text from my brother that my Nana had "passed into glory". I slumped down to my kitchen floor, as I cried and held my head with my hands. My daughter came up to me (4 years old) and told me she was sorry that my Banana died. That cheered me up a little. The next weekend, the family flew up to Oregon for her services. There was a service at the cemetary. We all said something about Nana. My Aunt played "What a Wonderful World" on top of her urn. We cried. It was our last goodbye. She was buried next to her first husband. The next day was the actual funeral in the church. More crying. More stories about Nana. They played her favorite hymnal. I know she's watching over me. I see her in the form of a dove all the time. And one night, my TV was on (I know I turned it off). Just the screen, no sound, no cable. I came to check it, and realized I had left my candle warmer plugged in. Thanks, Nana! I hope you are singing and dancing up in the clouds. I miss you very much, but I'll see you again someday. Please keep being my guardian angel. I love you.