If I was a Millionaire

Ah, money. One of the best things and worst things. It causes joy, it causes anger, it causes happiness, and it causes people to do dumb things. I say it "causes" versus "creates" because in my opinion, money isn't created in a person's life. It's more of a cause and effect situation. If that makes sense. Some people are born into money, some work their asses off to earn it, and some just win it. Unfortunately, most of America works their collective asses off to support the higher classes, and also the lower classes. I'm it -- I'm middle America! Blue collar, paying my taxes, and trying to survive. More often than not, from paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes I get unexpected money in the mail (love that! so much better than bills!) or win the occasional lotto scratcher. I have bought lottery tickets for the Powerball of $500 Million. $500 MILLION!!! That's more than I can even fathom. I would do so much with that money. Hell, I'd be happy with just A million dollars. We do a company pool to buy multiple tickets. I believe the last Powerball landed us with about $16. So, we reinvested the money in more tickets and lost. Then some old biddy in some Podunk town won it. Figures. What are you going to do with the money!? You're one foot in the grave. Maybe you'll invest in a diamond encrusted cane and a Benz wheelchair with gold plated rims? Styin' Granny!


Why can't someone like me win? I do my civil duty, I pay taxes as mentioned, I work and make a paycheck, and I struggle to make ends meet. I'm a single mom. My house needs some work. I have medical bills and loans to pay off. If I get a little ahead, something always pulls me back. It gets tiring and frustrating. So the literal million dollar question is: what would I do with a million dollars? Or even more than a million. After you see the sign for $500 million, $1 million seems like pocket change. But, money is money!


First things first, I think I would take the lump sum because, well, I'm not patient and I'd like to spend my money while I can enjoy it.

1. Pay my house, bills, loans, etc. OFF. I would LOVE to send a payment in full to them and write "I owe you nothing now! Eff off and have a nice day!" on the check memo. That would feel fantastic.
2. Home repair/remodel. I would love to get some things updated/fixed in my home. I would love tile flooring so my little asshole of a cat would stop pissing on my already dirty carpet. Tear it up! New A/C unit...ah...that's not a want, it's a need. Or maybe sell it and move to a bigger house, but nothing insane. I don't need 8 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, a heated infinity pool and a kitchen as big as my house currently. Ooh, that does sound nice though, doesn't it?
3. Pay my car off and buy another one. Nothing outlandish, but something awesome for my needs.
4. Help the family out. $50K each? I don't know, I'd have to work on the numbers. LOL
5. Invest. If I can't see it, I can't spend it. And I can save for my retirement and my daughter's college.
6. Travel! It's certainly not cheap. Maybe a nice spa trip to Hawaii, a journey down under, to the Motherland of Ireland....
7. Get someone else to clean my house. This is very important. Especially the bathtubs...I DESPISE cleaning them. And maybe someone to do my hair and make-up, and a personal trainer (preferably a hot, young male that has an accent).
8. Donate. I have my top charities: cancer research, animal rescue, emergency relief, food/education/medicine to other countries as well as ours.
9. I think a little wardrobe refresh would be in order. Not that I mind my off brands now, but it wouldn't hurt a girl to have some designer named things. Hello, Gucci and Louis Vuitton!
10. Spend more time with my kid and volunteer more time with others that need help.

I know most of those probably sound cliché. But, I can't really think of better ways to spend it. But if I had $500 million, I think I'd need a heart transplant because mine would probably explode. If I had THAT much, I could help so many more unfortunate and give a helping hand to family and friends that could use it. Everyone gets a Lexus! Haha.