Ah, from the mouth of babes. Sweet, innocent, beautiful children. Until they open their yap and out flies a four letter word or something horribly embarrassing or inappropriate. You know the feeling. You often say a four letter word after said incident occurs. From where do they obtain such abilities to make people gasp or blush? Children are sponges. They soak every little detail up and mimic the people they are around on a regular basis. Remember that scene in "Meet the Fockers" when little Jack's first word comes out as "asshole"? That's fairly accurate. Then you kick yourself in the ass because you know where he heard it. Oops! Time to filter swear words.
Even younger children without a full vocabulary surprise people. My two year old, for example. She's very bright and smart, and she watches me like a hawk. It's not until she dropped the F-bomb that I realized I should try to watch my language around her. She did say it in context though, so that's good. It's easier said than done to develop a filter. Those words just pop out. I've been coming up with alternative swears. Like the other day when I tripped over a can of tuna juice I'd left on the floor for the cats, spraying the kitchen floor with the liquid. Almost about to swear, I screamed "William H. Macy!!!!" as I tried to not slip and slide. That just made her laugh. Or when I was cleaning and the vacuum cord pulled out of the outlet while I was in a back bedroom, I yelled "Flinging flapjacks!!" Where'd that come from? I still like to pull out the old classic "mother trucker!" I've noticed Lilli has taken to "what the heck?" or "oh man!" when something goes wrong. The swear words still fly out sometimes.
And what about those kids that suddenly decide to blurt something very personal out in public? Gone are the unnoticed anonymous toots at the store. You will certainly be called out when your little sweetpea announces: Mama tooted!!! Ewwwwww! OH GOD. Who heard that? You walk to a different aisle pretty quickly after that. In one case, I was at the store, looking for Au Jus mix for my French Dip sandwiches. I kept mumbling to myself in the spice aisle, "Hmmm where is the Au Jus? Au Jus...where is the Au Jus?" It was at that moment my darling blue eyed, blond haired, fair skinned child said in a very loud voice, "A JEW, A JEW!!!" within an earshot of a few passerby. Oh dear. Did my Aryan child just blurt out an anti semantic comment? Holy Crap! That one was not my doing, however; I can understand how she could pronounce it that way. Still nonetheless embarrassing. I made my own Au Jus. Children don't care about race until they are exposed to racism. I had a friend once, who as a child, was not exposed to many black people in the suburbs. While her father, a pastor, told her that the man was coming to visit them, he explained that he's the same as you and I, just a different color. Simple explanation, right? To which she promptly observed upon his arrival, and told him he looked like a Tootsie Roll. Glad she was young and innocent, and he had a good sense of humor!
I am also fascinated at the rate children obtain and remember things. Yet, they always seem to come back to bite you in the ass. My days are crammed with fighting with a 2 year old. Ridiculous to have an almost 30 year old fussing with a 2 year old, right? Not really. She knows how to push my buttons, and she's getting pretty damn good at it. In one of our most recent spats, she actually made me laugh because she was so mad at me. She had a baggie of pretzels to snack on while we ventured home from daycare. At a stoplight, I noticed she was about to intentionally dump the bag out all over my backseat. Scandalous! So, I took the baggie away. This resulted in a meltdown. The last 15 minutes of the car ride home went something like this (typing like a toddler speaks): Mama!! Mama!! MY pritsels. I VANT 'em. I VANT 'em. Give'em back. MINE. Bad boy! Bad boy! NO NO Mama! Go avay!!! Go avay!! Her extensive rant reminded me of Charlie Sheen. It made me laugh. She was so angry, she was crying and her little, sweet face was so red that her hair was glowing. Oh my!! Why she called me a "bad boy" is beyond me, but she got her point across. She finally calmed down when we got home. "I sasu, mama. I sasu. I wuv you." And it ended with a hug. Love.
Do you have any good/funny/embarrassing stories of things your child has done/said to make you blush? Share them!
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