Asshole 101

Every one has their day. A day where they may be considered an asshole, for whatever reason. You cut off that guy in traffic on purpose (even though it is an asshole move, it's usually better received if you give a little wave afterwards), you take the last piece of candy in the bowl, you steal that parking spot you know that little old lady was waiting for, you pay with cash vs. a card (you've seen it happen, just like that Visa commercial. Things are going at a perfect pace, then some a-hole whips out CASH. I did it the other day. Oops!), you walk a little faster at the grocery store to get in line so you don't get stuck behind the soccer mom with 2 carts worth of food, or you just didn't feel like tipping 20% for mediocre service at Applebees. It happens. The difference between a true asshole, and an occasional one, is the pseudo asshole feels bad afterwards, and knows it was a dick thing for them to do. AKA guilt.

Then there are the true, perpetual assholes. The ones with their B.S. in Assholeanomics with a minor in hole of ass. I've heard of degrees: criminology, literature, law, some culture of an obscure country I've never heard of, art/religion of pole dancing (that one is pretty simple. Twist, twirl, climb, and jiggle. Not available online, however. Congrats, Doctor!), theology, or medicine. Maybe it's just me, but I am becoming convinced some people take Asshole 101. I don't even want to know what University offers that course. A course focused on defining and refining assholery/assholing.

Chances are, we've all been called an asshole at SOME point in our life. And we probably deserved it. But, if several people are in agreement and call you out on your assholishness on a regular basis, you're probably an asshole. You're most likely
one if you walk by a group of people, and suddenly, silence. You walk by. No, you are not dreaming...they are talking about you after you pass by. "Did you hear Charlie yelled at his dry cleaner because his pleats weren't pleated enough? That asshole."

I have always been taught: 1. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all (oh, MY, if you think I'm bad, you should hear what I would say if I am not biting my tongue!), and 2. always give people the benefit of the doubt. I do my very best to uphold both concepts. Some days are easier than others. For the most part, the human species is fairly nice and considerate. They hold doors open for you, they let you sit down when you're 7 months pregnant and no other seats are available, they chase you down after you leave a store to tell you that you've dropped a dollar or have forgotten your case of water, they find your child's wallet in the middle of a busy road, and call the library and school from info found and spend a week trying to track down that kid/parents to give his wallet back (that was me. I got some money in my Karma bank for that. Just saying.), or they anonymously pay for your coffee in the drive-thru.

I think Urban Dictionary sums it up pretty well: Asshole (n): A totally and completely passive-aggressive JERK who believes the world SHOULD and MUST revolve around his own wants and needs and whims and who therefore has a sick stupid disregard for the universal law of "reaping what you sow" cuz he "thinks" it SURELY could not apply to or negatively impact him because he's too much The S_ _ t!!! (Note: I copied and pasted directly from the site. It took me a lot of effort to not correct grammar, punctuation, or the word "cuz", and I would just plain say the word "shit").

The point of this post? A reminder: don't be an asshole! At least not on a regular basis.

P.S. I am quite impressed with the way I could turn the word asshole into a verb,gerund, noun, and adjective.